Instincts
by L.D. Eddy
Summary: Maybe Reaper should've hit her snooze button just a little bit harder?
1. Chapter 1

The first time Clarice heard the metaphorical ticking, she was in a coffee shop, sitting by herself. She was fairly unrecognizable to the people of Gotham without her masks so she didn't have to disguise herself. She could just sit there in peace while Jonathan worked on his toxins and gases and while Edward worked on his riddles and traps with the "unneeded" help of Dead Switch.

She gave herself an hour a day in peace and tranquility, sipping on a highly caffeinated, sugar-filled, diabetic coma in a cup, watching the people go by. That was when she saw two people. Well, a woman and her mini-human.

The woman had ordered some latte or frappa-whatever and had sat down at the table closest to Clarice. The mini-human was in a stroller and was facing Clarice.

The mini-human cooed and smiled and giggled and stared at Clarice and _something_ had happened to Clarice and her heart. And her brain.

Hell, she'd always thought she wasn't one to have a family. And honestly she didn't think much about it after Frank. But maybe...

Maybe it would be nice to be a mom.

* * *

The next time, she was with Switch and instead of their usual hang-out – the bar where everybody knew their name – they were at the park.

Edward had demanded Switch sober up because he had plans coming up that involved Batman. He wanted her to be fully functioning – well, as fully functioning as she could be, being best friends with a fear-monger, a clown, and being an employee of a self-obsessed, self proclaimed genius megalomaniac with homicidal and sadistic tendencies while also being BBC-Buddies with the Scarecrow.

They were sitting on a bench, talking about nothing of importance, when a woman walked up with a baby in a papoose.

Automatically Clarice's attention was on the adorable little baby wearing the cutest little outfit – a onesie that proclaimed the baby, apparently a boy, to be a future heartbreaker.

"Isn't that adorable, Switchy?" Clarice asked, nudging her friend and motioning to the baby.

"Um. Sure, I guess? If you like kids."

_Imagine if Edward and I had a baby,_ Clarice thought, smiling slightly. _Oh, it would be the most adorable little baby in the world. It would have his hair and my dimples, because dimples are adorable, and oh God, hopefully my personality because if it were anything like it's father, I think I'd just-_

"Clarice! Earth to Clarice! You alive?" Switch's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hmm? What, yeah, what were you saying?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You're acting very weird."

"What?" Clarice snorted. "Yeah, right. No, I'm not."

"Sure. Whatever you say, Space Cadet."

* * *

The third time was a completely random incident – no children around, just Clarice and her thoughts.

Clarice sighed as she slipped into the hot water. Nothing like a piping hot bath to relax after a long day of testing fear toxin.

She let her mind wander as the hot water worked away her stress and suddenly she was thinking of The Subject.

_How would I work if I was pregnant? Would Jonathan make me stay outside the lab? How would we take care of the baby if we were in Arkham? Who would watch the baby when we're on heists or planning deathtraps or having Girl's Days?_

_ Does Edward even think about having a baby?_ Clarice snorted. No. Her whatever-he-was-to-her was much too self-centered to think about anything other than himself and slightly her.

* * *

_**A/N: So...yeah, just something random and in the future slightly evil that I thought of...**_


	2. Chapter 2

After having these thoughts for quite a while, Clarice finally confessed them to her friend.

"I want a baby," She said. Switch's face worked into an expression of confusion.

"As a hostage?" Switch asked. "Or-?"

"Let me rephrase this; I want to have a baby," Clarice told her. Switch froze for a moment before laughing.

"Nice one, Reaps. You had me going there for a second."

"I'm not kidding."

"Wha- seriously?" The younger woman asked.

"Seriously."

"But, 'Rice, we're kinda wanted for breaking the law and kids are-"

"I want one."

"Kids aren't puppies, Clarice!"

"I know that! Look, I've been thinking about this for what seems like forever and I just – I think this is the best time I'll ever get to have a kid. And I want one."

"Look, even if it _was_ a slightly okay idea, how the hell would you even get His Holiness to think about it?"

"I don't know. It's not like I can walk up to him, say 'Impregnate Me, Big Boy' and have him immediately whisk me off to his bedroom for the rest of the-"

"Ew! TMI. We may be friends, but he is my boss and just...ew!"

"What? You didn't think we aren't having sex, did you, Switch? What do you think we do when I stay overnight? And why do you think his room is soundproofed?"

"Please, for the sake of my brain, please stop."

"Whatever. But let me tell you, that man is-"

"Clarice!"

"And he-"

"Stop! Please, I am begging you!"

"You do know I'm only saying these things because your reactions are hilarious, right?"

"I hate you."

* * *

"I have literally one minute to warn you before Clarice comes in here," Switch shouted, running into the lair.

Edward swiveled in his desk chair and looked at her in confusion.

"Why are you warning me about Clarice, Switch?" He asked. He thought for a moment, then groaned. "Don't tell me she wants a puppy again."

"No. Worse. Worse than a puppy."

"What could be worse than a slobbering mongrel?"

"Oh, I don't know, a slobbering miniature human?" Switch snapped sarcastically. Edward froze.

"She wants a _**what**_?" He demanded.

"A baby, she wants a baby! And not as a hostage, either!"

"_**Why?**_ Where could she possibly have gotten the idea?"

"I don't know, she said something about seeing a baby one day months and months ago and then she just started thinking about it and it's serious, Boss."

He should think so. If the idea of having a baby hadn't left her in the span of those months like getting a puppy had...it wasn't just a mere fancy of the idea.

How the hell was he going to talk her out of this?

The door to the hideout opened. Damn. He wasn't prepared.

Switch fled the room.

"Edward?" Clarice called into the hideout. He heard the soft clunking of her shoes dropping to the floor before he heard her start walking again.

The door to the office swung open.

"Oh. There you are," Clarice said. She walked over to him and sat in front of him on the desk. "Look, I want to talk to you about something."

"I know. Switch told me."

"Well, I should hope she did," Clarice said, rolling her eyes and crossing her legs. "I told her to warn you so you didn't have a heart attack when I started talki-"

"What could you possibly want a baby for?" Edward demanded of her, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"What does any woman want to have a baby for?"

"I wouldn't have a clue. I wasn't born with a uterus."

"To be a mother, Edward. Honestly, it was a very easy answer. Don't know why you didn't think about it," She said jokingly.

There was silence for a few moments as they watched each other.

"How long?" Edward asked.

"How long what?"

"How long have you been...entertaining this notion of wanting to be a mother?"

"It's been five months since I heard the first metaphorical ticking of my biological clock."

"Five months?"  
"Well-"

"Five months? And you didn't even think to tell me you were thinking about wanting a baby?" Edward asked angrily.

"Oh, come on, Switch didn't find out until earlier today. Jonathan doesn't even know, but he suspects something is wrong with me."

"I would prefer it if Dead Switch knew nothing about what goes on between us underneath sheets."

"Oh, come on. She didn't even know we were having sex here until today."

Edward paused. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"We haven't tried hiding it."

"Nope. I even told her that's why we had your room soundproofed."

"Well, it's not my fault you're deafening," Edward said, a smirk working its way onto his face.

"Shut up," Clarice snapped, a smile on her face as she gave him a soft slap on the shoulder. "Now, back to the matter at hand."

"Why?" Edward groaned. Clarice rolled her eyes and slipped her jacket off.

"Where the hell do you get the money to heat this place?" She muttered. "Anyway, Edward. I want to be a mother," She said, leaning forward.

"Don't I get a say in this?" He asked, managing to keep his eyes on her face.

"Well, I should hope so, you'd be the father," Clarice said, amusement evident in her voice.

Edward froze. He hadn't realized that she'd want to do this naturally.

He was thinking she'd try to adopt, or steal, or take in some urchin from the street.

Would he even be a good father?

Worse; would he be like his own father?

"Edward? Earth to Edward? Are you okay?" Clarice asked.

Edward sighed before rubbing his face.

"Look, we don't have to decide this right now," Clarice told him, worry etching itself onto her face. "You _do_ have a say in this. Take as much time as you need," She told him, slipping off of the desk to leave.

"Clarice."

"Yeah?"

"We...can try."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

* * *

_**A/N: Yeah, of course you'll try, you idiot. You want to prove you'll be the perfect father or some sort of rot like that.**_

_**Stitcher: I dunno, I'd think he'd be a good dad...as long as he doesn't pull a Zera from The Lion King and raise his son/daughter to kill the Batman/the Batman's heir. And of course Switch would be pretty good with the kid. She'd raise them in the scripture of Bondageman and they'd go to Harley's church sessions every Wednesday.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_ Oh, please let the smug asshole be home_, Switch thought as she pounded on the door.

It swung open.

"Why are you knocking?" Jonathan demanded, glaring at the woman. "Usually you just waltz in as if you own the place."

"I thought I'd be polite," Switch said. "Can I please stay here?"

"Why?"

"Riddler and Clarice are-" She trailed off and shuddered.

"And?"

"Please, please don't leave me with them!" Switch begged. "I'll haul corpses, I'll help experiment! Hell, I'll even be the test subject! Please don't leave me with them, knowing what they're doing!"

Jonathan smirked.

"I doubt even I would be able to mentally scar you in the way that they will." He slammed the door in her face.

"You bastard, Scarecrow! Imagine what you're going to go through when they're sick of doing it there!" She yelled through the door. His smirk slipped off and was replaced by a frown. "Besides, if I'm mentally scarred we won't be able to watch Sherlock."

The door slowly opened, silence falling between the two.

He glared at her.

"Are you coming in or not, Deborah?"

"Thank you!"

"Do not mistake this arrangement as indefinite," He snapped angrily.

"Yes, yes. It's temporary. At least until Clarice stops talking about babies."

"Babies?"

"Do. Not. Ask."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

Jonathan opened his book and relaxed in his chair. Finally Dead Switch had left. Now he could relax. Just him, his coffee, and Edgar All-

"Jonathan, I'm back!" Clarice's voice called into the lair. He glared at his book before setting it down. Of course his relaxation would be interrupted. She walked into the living area where he was and sat down on the sofa opposite him.

"So. What's this I hear about you talking about babies?" Jonathan asked. Clarice rolled her eyes.

"I'm guessing Switch came through here?" She asked, reclining.

"Correct."

"I want a baby."

"I assumed as much," Jonathan stated, setting his book on the coffee table. "Did you manage to convince Edward?"

"Yes."

"I assume it wasn't too hard."

"Excuse me?"

"To convince Edward. You're wearing a low cut blouse and a short skirt. I assumed it must've been easy to convince Edward." Jonathan didn't understand why, but Edward had an...overactive libido, at least compared to Jonathan himself.

Clarice snorted. "You assumed correctly."

"If you indeed conceive a child, I hope you know that I'm not going to be nice to it," Jonathan stated, pulling his glasses off and setting them on the endtable alongside his book.

"I wouldn't dream of it Jonathan." Jonathan smirked.

"You do realize that you won't be able to go on anymore benders with Switch, don't you?"

Clarice groaned. "Yes. I realize that."

"Just making sure, Clarice."

* * *

_**A/N: Aaaaaannnnnnddddd here's chapter three!**_

_**Hope you enjoyed it, it isn't very long. ****Oh, did you know the fear of scarecrows is formidophobia?**_

_**Stitcher:**_

_**I imagine a lot of twitching, especially in his eyes, and Clarice just standing there like what the hell is going on?**_

_**Totally making that a story :)**_

_**Bat-teen 28:**_

_**Well, this is what happens next, however crappy it is! Next one should be loads better.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Clarice crept into the bed and smiled at Edward's sleeping form.

"Eddie," She whispered, poking him in the face. He groaned but continued sleeping. "Eddie!"

"Clarice, 'm sleeping," He said groggily.

"I have some news for you," She said.

"What?"

"Wake up and I'll tell you." He sighed but opened his eyes and glared at her.

"What do you want?"

"Well, if you're gonna be grumpy about it, I'm not going to tell you," Clarice teased.

"Now, my dear, really, I've just woken up, what did you deem so important that you needed to rouse me?" Edward asked.

"I think I'm pregnant," She said.

He just about fell out of the bed.

* * *

Dead Switch dumped her loot onto the bed and glared at her boss.

"I grabbed one of every single sort of test you could ever possibly want," She snapped. "Happy?"

"Of course not!" He hissed. "Clarice may be pregnant!"

Dead Switch rolled her eyes. "Yeah, thank you for reaffirming that. You agreed to 'try' remember?"

Edward's eyes went wide before narrowing. "How do you-?"

"Women talk," She said grimly. "Some overshare," She glared at Clarice.

Clarice rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. At least you haven't walked in on anything. I remember a certain individual named Paxton whom may or may not have been-"

Switch clapped her hand over Clarice's mouth and blushed.

"Ew!" She snatched her hand back and almot gagged after feeling Clarice's tongue on her hand.

"And they were on our couch!" Clarice proclaimed.

"Hey, at least it was Scarecrow's couch!"

"Yes, well, I'm sure Jonathan would love to kno-"

"Tell him and you're dead."

"Is that why one of his couches disappeared?" Edward asked.

"Yup. Switch couldn't keep it in her pants long enough to get to a bedroom so she desecrated the couch," Clarice told him.

"I liked that couch!" He snapped. It may not have been his, but it was his favorite couch to take a nap on.

"Well, too late for that," Switch mumbled. "I'll have you know it wasn't me who couldn't keep it in my pants."

"Too much information," Edward said. He honestly thought he'd never string those words together, but when it came to his employee's sex life, he just didn't want to know.

"Oh? Really?" Switch snarled. "It's bad enough we're going to have evidence that you two-"

"Maybe," Clarice supplied.

"-Maybe have evidence that you two know each other biblically-"

"Really Switch?" Clarice asked, amusement evident in her voice.

"I'm a freakin' prude, okay?" Switch snapped.

"Pot meet kettle," Clarice muttered.

"What was that?" Switch demanded. Clarice ignored her.

"Honestly, Edward," Clarice said, finally bridging the subject back to the matter at hand. She gestured to the massive amount of tests. "This is just too much. You've gone overboard. As usual," She said teasingly. He glared at her.

"Just take the damned tests, woman."

"Fine, fine," Clarice said. She snatched one of the boxes from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. "You still went overboard."

"Whatever."

"She's going to need to drink quite a lot to pee on every one of those," Switch said.

Edward wrinkled his nose. "You're right. Go and get some water."

"Opening my big mouth," She muttered, trailing off as she walked away.

* * *

"So?" Dead Switch asked after Clarice exited the bathroom. "What's the prognosis?"

Clarice beamed. "I'm pregnant!"

Edward fainted.

Dead Switch barely contained a squeal of glee. As much as she deigned hatred for children, she was excited for Clarice and couldn't wait until the baby was born.

"Of course he faints," Clarice said with a snort. Switch rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you picked him."

"I picked him about as much as you picked the Joker to be your biggest fear, Switchy."

"Shut up."

* * *

Bruce puzzled over the footage and sighed.

Why on earth would Dead Switch rob a drugstore and only take pregnancy tests with her?

As far as he knew, she didn't have any sort of partner, nor had he overheard any thugs claiming to have...bed her.

It didn't make any sense!

* * *

"Jonathan!" Clarice squealed into the phone. "I have big news!"

He winced before glaring at the telephone.

"What, you damned harpy?" He demanded. "Tell me before my ear drums rupture."

"I'm pregnant."

"Good for you. Don't be showing up for work. I don't need Edward harping on me about how my toxins could be harming the baby."

* * *

_**A/N: There you have it people! The Reaper is pregnant!**_

_**The next chapter is kinda gonna be a waaaaaaay flash forward, just because I really want to get to my favorite bit! Anyway, I might do some oneshots with a pregnant Clarice, because that would be uber fun.**_

_**Anyway this was made possible with the help of our very own SwordStitcher!**_

_**Anywayyyy**_

_**Stitcher:**_

_**Low cut blouses and short skirts are very persuasive :) And poor poor Jonathan never gets to relax. You're gonna love the next chapters!**_

_**Batty:**_

_**It looks like they have! And this is definitely not the end, there is an incredible amount to come with the whole baby thing.**_

_**Enjoy!**_


	5. Chapter 5

Switch leaned up against the Bondageman signal in fatigue and rested for a moment before sticking a green envelope to it and turning it on.

She ran off before Bondageman could appear.

* * *

Bruce stared down at the envelope feeling a niggling of curiosity.

"And what is that, sir?" Alfred asked.

"A clue from the Riddler," He said. "But-"

"But what sir?"

"He hasn't made any movements as far as I know."

"That doesn't mean he isn't planning anything, sir," Alfred stated. "Perhaps you should open it."

Bruce nodded and tore at the green envelope before reaching in and sliding out a piece of nice quality paper.

"What?" He asked, looking at the paper. On the backside was a giant question mark with what looked to be some sort of pattern. On the front side was a series of what looked to be sentences.

"It's a cipher," Bruce muttered.

Solving it would prove to be incredibly difficult.

"Do you know what kind, Sir?"

"I'm not sure." Bruce stared at the paper before groaning and tossing it down.

Alfred picked it up and analyzed the backside.

"Sir, it appear that this pattern isn't really a design at all," He said. Bruce looked up at him.

"What?"

"It's just the word twins repeated over and over again in small type."

Bruce grabbed the paper from Alfred and read the lines.

_**T Xioq Ldwjwk bwe Laa Zvvwhme sgz Zrsiaz**_

_**Pgea Krdxxznlx Sqgz No**_

_**Ahfwwg, Amzqag Lafzq, Lpk Buglwvav Tjl Sgnoirwg**_

_**Ppr Avajrjz Hwhfza**_

_**Pckmal Oq Waiq Kpebpz**_

"It must be a Vigenere cipher," He muttered. "Twins must be the key word." He set about solving the message and once he figured it out, sat back in confusion.

_**A Baby Shower for The Riddler and Reaper**_

_**Come Celebrate With Us**_

_**Sunday, August Third, Two Thousand and Fourteen**_

_**The Iceberg Lounge**_

_**Hosted By Dead Switch**_

"A baby shower?" He asked the air, furrowing his brow.

"Who is having the baby, sir?" Alfred asked, setting down Bruce's lunch plate.

"I think the Riddler is," Bruce said.

"And why would you say that?"

Bruce handed him the deciphered message.

"Well, I suppose you won't be going, then, sir?"

"I might stop by."

"Perhaps you should pick up a present for the mother-to-be? It's rude to show up without a gift."

"I'll see what I can find."

* * *

Bruce smiled at the woman at the check-out and handed over the item he wished to purchase.

"Why, this is an odd little purchase for a billionaire," She said, giggling. "What, did you-"

"Knock someone up," He peered at her name tag and smiled charmingly. "Eloise? No. This is for some friends of mine. She's pregnant with twins."

"Oh, how nice," the woman gushed, batting her eyelashes at him. "Although, I do have to say, the bat symbol is a little odd for a-"

"They look up to the Batman in one way or another. Honestly, I don't see why, but I knew they'd love it as soon as they saw it," He said, smirking.

_Oh, yeah, _he thought sarcastically. _They're gonna love it. They're gonna love it so much they're probably gonna burn it. Of course, it isn't any less fun to antagonize them._

* * *

_**A/N: Oh, Batsy, what are you doing? And can I just say, I love Sassy Alfred? He's like the best person in the universe, no doubt about it.  
**_

_**Stitcher:**_

_**Lol, right? His confusion is funny...and fun. And now, everybody should have some sort of clue as to how many kids she's having! Thug talk does leave a lot to desire. Especially when it comes to the females of the universe. You're gonna love the next one even more!**_


	6. Chapter 6

"Um," Clarice looked at the papoose and arched one of her eyebrows. "Thanks, Ivy?" It was made entirely out of 100% organic materials. And it was the ugliest shade of orange she'd ever seen. The only time she'd ever liked the color was when Edward was wearing it – she always claimed he looked sexy in orange – and that was only for a short stint of time, either when he was at Arkham or when he was escaping Arkham.

"Not a problem, dear," The woman said, crossing her legs.

"Alright. Um, Edward, next present?" Clarice prompted. He grabbed another box from the table of gifts and started to hand it to Clarice. She adamantly refused to take it.

"No."

"Why not, my dear?" Edward asked, confusion evident in his furrowing brow.

"It's purple."

"And?"

"This is a no purple zone," Clarice snapped angrily. "Purple means clowns. Clowns are a no-no. No offense, Harley," Clarice tacked on, turning to face the bubbly blonde. "I just can't accept anything from Joker. It might be-"

"Too exciting? Yeah, my Mistah J knows how to pick the funnest gifts," Harley said, smiling as she popped her gum.

"There's another reason. Fun, to him, could mean blowing us up with a gag baby bottle," Clarice said. "We'll have someone else open it. Hey, Jonathan, do you think you could take this to one of your test subject and have them open it? You never know, if they're under the influence of the fear toxin, if it's a normal gift, it could be interesting to see how they'd react to it," She suggested.

The man rolled his eyes but acquiesced anyway.

"Any other presents?"

"This one is from Dead Switch," Edward said, handing Clarice a green gift bag with black question marks drawn on it.

"Aww, how cute," Clarice gushed, pulling out a pair of footie pajamas. They were Edward's signature colors – fuchsia and green – and were decorated with little black question marks and one giant question mark on the back. "Eddy, look!" She said, practically shoving it into his face.

Edward smirked. "Isn't that thoughtful? Now the babies can come with me on heists," He said. Clarice whacked him in the chest.

"The babies will do no such thing, Mr. Nigma," She said teasingly while he rubbed the impact zone.

"Actually, there's also something else in the bag," Switch said. She grabbed the bag from Clarice and dug through it for a moment before procuring two fuchsia eyemasks, reminiscent of Edward's early days as The Riddler. Edward winced upon seeing them.

"Really, Dead Switch," He started to speak. "You didn't have to go through all this troub-"

"Open mine now," Jonathan snapped, tossing Clarice a brown paper bag. She rolled her eyes and opened it. Her eyes started to water up.

"Oh, Jonathan," She gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. "You-you shouldn't have. This is too much, oh my God."

"What did he get you?" Edward asked, snatching the paper bag from Clarice. He peered inside and his frown slipped away in lieu of shock. "My friend, you can be so incredibly thoughtful when you want to be," he said quietly.

"Whuddee getcha? Whuddee getcha?" Harley demanded, bouncing up and down.

Edward reached into the bag and procured two baby-sized gas masks.

"Jonathan," Clarice finally spoke after her stunned silence. "Where did you find these?"

Jonathan shrugged, his face starting to turn red after everybody in the room turned to look at him; some glaring because his gift had bested theirs, others in admiration due to his thoughtfulness, and almost all female as he and Edward were the only men at the shower.

"I found a reputable supplier online that custom makes the masks. I convinced them to make fully functioning baby-sized gas masks. Really, it was no trouble. I figured what with you working with me, Clarice, it would be safe to assume that at one point or another I'd come in contact with the-the-the monkeys and it would be better safe than sorry. As long as they are in business, you can get custom sized gas masks for your...children," Jonathan said, cleaning his glasses and looking anywhere other than at the people staring. "Really, it was no trouble."

"Jonathan," Clarice said, a smile slipping onto her face. She stood up rather quickly for a highly-pregnant woman, and gave him what could only be described as a loving glomp.

"Clarice, let go of me," Jonathan demanded, wincing as her arms constricted his own. He had a feeling if this were a group of...sane females, they'd be making that awful noise that deigned the situation cute. He did not want to be aw'd at, whether it be literally or theoretically.

"No. Not done." She squeezed him harder.

"Clarice. I will gas you."

"Clarice, let's do as Jonathan says, shall we?" Edward asked jovially. "We don't know how his toxin will affect you in your- well, in your pregnant state."

"Fine," Clarice said, releasing the gangly bean-pole known as the Scarecrow and fixing her glasses.

"That was nice of you," Dead Switch whispered quietly to her Sherlock Buddy while Clarice invested herself in wiping her tears off of her face and opening a new present. "So, that website? Does it actually exist?"

"No," He hissed back at her.

"You made that yourself, didn't you?"

"Quiet, _Deborah_," He snapped. Switch rolled her eyes.

"Anyway. That was sweet of you."

"Yes, I'm a peach," Jonathan said sarcastically, his southern drawl slipping in unintentionally.

* * *

_**A/N: So...we haven't seen Batman yet, but he'll be coming up soon. And everyone is probably going to be freaking out about him showing up, but whatevs :)**_

_**Stitcher:**_

_**Don't worry, I laughed while writing Bondageman :)**_

_**I think Clarice is going to love it while Edward will have to grudgingly use it. Haha, it's a Rogue baby shower, so it's a little different. And pretty much all female :)**_


	7. Chapter 7

They all froze.

"It's the Bat!" Harley crowed. She reached for one of her guns before remembering it had been confiscated at the beginning of the shower.

He tossed something down to them.

"Congratulations," He said before disappearing into the darkness.

"Wh-what just happened?" Clarice asked.

Dead Switch rolled her eyes.

"I invited him."

"You what?" Edward demanded, turning to his employee, anger evident in his face.

"I invited him," Switch said. "I knew he wasn't going to put Clarice in danger, he's a goody-goody. He wouldn't dare try to hurt you or the baby," She said, looking at her friend. "I figured it would be a nice way to get you guys more presents. And it looks like Bondageman came through?"

"Bondageman?" Ivy asked, interest piqued.

"Alright, everybody out!" Clarice snapped. Nobody moved. "I am an _**extremely**_ hormonal pregnant woman with access to massive amounts of chemical warfare; I will _**not**_ hesitate to kill all of you if you don't leave. Now go!" Everybody started to leave, including Switch, Jonathan, and Edward. Clarice glared at them while she cradled her large belly. "Not. You. Three."

"Oh, geesh, she's pissed," Switch groaned.

"Open it up," Clarice snapped, glaring at Switch.

"What? Why me?"

"_**You**_ _**invited**_ _**him!**_" Clarice shouted. Switch winced at the loudness of her friend but acquiesced.

"Fine, fine," She muttered. She approached the large bag with caution before snatching Edward's cane from him and poking the bag. Nothing happened.

"Open it," Edward said, wrenching his cane back from Switch. Switch sighed but opened the bag. And promptly laughed.

"Aw, that is _so_ cute!" Switch proclaimed. She pulled out two papooses. Each had the batsymbol on the front. "Clarice, isn't this adorable?"

Clarice nodded. "Oh, Batman, you _do_ care!" She proclaimed, tears starting to well up in her eyes.

"Oh, God. Jonathan, how do I-?" Edward trailed off as he saw his significant other burst into tears. "How do I stop it?"

"I don't know. I usually leave the room when she cries," Jonathan supplied.

"It's a wonder she calls you her friend," Dead Switch snorted. She set the papooses down and opened the bag back up. "Aw, there's more in here!" She pulled out two giant plush dolls.

One was made to look like Batman, the other to look like Batgirl.

"Aw," Clarice took one look at the dolls and burst into tears again, leaving Edward to wrap his arms around her in an embrace meant to console her. It only managed to make her sob even more uncontrollably, something the two men and Dead Switch didn't even know was possible.

"When I see Batman, I'm killing him," Edward muttered darkly. Clarice thumped him on the back.

"No, you won't," She said, wiping her tears away. "He _likes_ us."

"So does the Joker, but you wouldn't even open his present yourself."

"Shut up."

* * *

Batman smirked as he watched from the window. They hadn't noticed he hadn't left entirely and it was amusing to watch Edward Nigma try – and fail – to console the Reaper.

Maybe next year on the twins' birthday he'd give them Superman and Wonder Woman dolls.

* * *

_**A/N: Awww, Batsy, you sentimental thing you :) My thump-thump is getting fuzzy from this kinda twisted fluff.**_

_**Stitcher:**_

_**Go Sherlock Buddies! I can't wait to see if you actually post that story, it's going to be AMAZZZZZINGGG! And here is Bondageman! I'm not sure if this should be the last chapter of Instincts or whether the next chapter should be Clarice giving birth or if it should be a separate story? What dost thou think, milady?**_

_**Batty:**_

_**The twins will definitely be using those onesies a lot :) And probably in conjunction with the gas masks as well.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. Thanks for the epic win! I love it!**_


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